Traffic!

Generally I have not been too worried about keeping this blog, being that I don't really have much to say on here.
However, after the IA bankruptcy, this site received over 100 hits/ day, and generally I am used to seeing <10.
So for this reason, I think I am going to privatize my blog. I am not 100% sure yet, but feeling as though there was a bit of media "trolling" which I don't like.
If you are interested in reading it, please let me know and I will add you to the list.
I will make my final decision about going private in the next couple days.
Thanks
Laura

Terrible news for families adopting with Imagine Adoptions

The globe and mail is running an article on what has recently happened with Imagine adoptions in tomorrows paper.  We are not with the Imagine Adoption (IA) agency, we are with CAFAC.  But we know many families who are with IA and my heart goes out to them.

Apparently IA has claimed bankruptcy.  Last week IA stopped taking new applications, but stated this was due to the large number of files they were not able to process.

As of today, they have a bankruptcy notice on their website.

Families are terrified of what this means for their children in Ethiopia who are not home yet.  There is also a lot of anger and sadness for all the families who are in the wait.

My heart goes out to everyone who is in this terrible position, I hope that the Canadian government, the lawyers and the agency in Ethiopia are able to sort this out quickly.

Again, for our family and friends, we are not working with this agency.  As of right now, we are not aware of any change in our file or the process.  We are still waiting.

2 years and 8 days ago

2 years and 8 days ago we officially started this adoption process.  

We decided that adoption was the way we wanted to build our family, and after much thought and research we decided to adopt from Ethiopia.  I remember when we started our homestudy.  We were told to expect 18 months from start to finish, from homestudy until we were a family with children.  Our social worker was amazing, kind and so supportive.  We really learned a lot working with her.  I remember how genuinely excited she was that we were choosing to build our family through adoption, and how supportive and loving she was in her homestudy write up.  The people who we were in that homestudy, with all our hopes and dreams, feel miles away from me right now.

At the time, I felt as though our children were close, almost as though I could sense them out in the world and that soon we would be together.  I began doing what many expectant parents do, reading about parenting, buying little things for children..nesting really.  

Since that time, I have tried to keep my excitement up.  I have tried to maintain that etherial sense of connection I had with the process at the beginning.  The inspiration or idea that kept my maintained my hopes and spirit was the certainty that I would be a parent one day.

And I still have those hopes, but they have somehow faded, or become obscured by time.  

I know that a lot of my hopes are based on terrible sadness.  For us to become a parents through adoption another family has to suffer a terrible loss.  Our adoptive children will also suffer the loss of their birth family, their culture and everything they have known.  So there are mixed emotions.  In some ways I am upset and disappointed that we don't have our children home with us yet, but I am torn and feel like a selfish person to somehow wish the devastation of losing children upon another family that I don't know.   

So I end up feeling guilty that I am disappointed with the wait times.  And guilty that I want this process to speed up, when perhaps our children are still with their birth families.  

And guilty that I have pang's of jealousy and sadness when friends and family welcome children into their lives.  I feel as though I have become the person who has decided not to have children.  The one in the room with whom it is almost taboo to talk of children.

Friends stop asking, afraid that it will hurt our feelings.  And I have nothing new to say, ever.  "Perhaps in a year" and then 6 months later.."perhaps in a year"...etc.  Shawn has found that no one ever asks him about it anymore.  And lately we don't speak of it as often as we used to.  It is like the door that leads to our adoption is down a very long hallway, that keeps lengthening as we walk towards it.  

So, we try to keep busy.  We find other things to do.  We busy ourselves with holidays, and education and work.  And I close the closet doors that are full of clothes and things for our children.  A few weeks ago I almost boxed everything up and moved it into the garage.  The room is lovely, and we could use the space for an office or a guest room.  But that somehow feels as though I am giving up on the idea that this adoption will work out. 

I couldn't participate in the secret pal gift exchange this time round, I have done it for a year and I can't bear another 6 months of receiving gifts. So, this is my pity post.  My disbelief that 2 years later we are no farther ahead.  My fears that the program will close before we ever have a referral.  

I met an adoptive parent who told me that I am in the "easy wait".  That the wait becomes harder when you have a referral and are waiting for court and visa's etc.  

But I can't believe that the wait would be harder.  Right now I feel we are still in limbo.  That we might never complete our adoption, like it is a dream that we had at one point, which has faded.  

14 months is hard, I think this is the hardest month so far.  

I feel guilty even posting this, as I know there are a lot of people who have even been waiting longer.

I just hope that someone gets some good news soon, so it starts to feel real for us again.

Here is a traffic circle picture that I think perfectly depicts where we are at.

CAFAC Update: Not Good News

Well, we received the email update today.
What is great is that they are processing 10 referrals right now.
What is awful, is that now the estimated wait times for referral are 17-21 months.
So, that means that we now have to mentally prepare for another 8 months of waiting.
I feel nauseated at the idea of this. Just horrible.
Everytime we prepare ourselves for the "longest possible" wait, the time extends.

No idea what to do...it feels as though we could be waiting forever, at each crest of the hill see another one in front of us.

Anniversary

12 months...that is all I have to say.

Nearly there...

The big 1 2 is coming up in less then 2 weeks....
Feels like a huge milestone.
Maybe things will start to feel more real again as we move somewhat closer.

Re: Question from Christen re: travel medicine consult

I received a question regarding traveling to Ethiopia with small children and the risks of vaccination for yellow fever.

Sorry, I am unable to email you personally as your profile does not have an email.

Regarding your question re: Yellow Fever vaccination and children.

I am unable to comment as to the safety of the vaccine for your child specifically, as I do not know your childs health history.

However, the yellow fever vaccine is approved for use in children >9 months of age.  Therefore, your child is an appropriate age to receive the vaccine.

However, if you are not leaving Addis (the actual city, taking scenic day trips puts you into a different risk zone) the yellow fever vaccine might not be necessary.

The decision to vaccinate and whether to take your child on a trip to Ethiopia with you is an individual decision that should be made in consultation with a travel medicine specialist.